You lash out at me
Now  
Then
In anger
Reprisal reproach
a mantel of judgment

 

fists pounding tray
after tray
like a child 
trapped in a restaurant
highchair 
forgottentalkedover

 

tomato-faced and puffy
crying out
slobbery biscuit 
stuck in my hair

 

Did I 
Reject you
And how dare I
Who the fuck
Am I
I missed out

 

I failed to see what I had
In you
In the palm of my hand
Sitting there you were
Filled with love
The milk of humanity

 

For that second
Hope tenuously buttering 
belief in random joy
a sandwich of maybe

 

taking a bite
whatifs oozing out
dribbling down my chin
staining my shirt
knowing you 
left a mark

 

forever on me
Eyes blue branding me
with sincerity
Blue with shining 
Bluer than blue even
Holding my hands in yours

 

Staring at me waiting
Waiting for me and staring
Staring some more 
For something brilliant

 

Something profound to tumble 
From my trembling lips 
Between bites of maybe and sips
Of Now All Flowers Envy Us
This love 
Like no other

And you’re going to be someone
Are someone
And you’re going to be a success
Are a success
And you are going to BE
And I missed

that part
I failed to appreciate
Your future value
Your current worth

 

But your shitty little texts
Your comeon take the bait words
Well they let me know
Where I screwed up with
One day you’ll be sorry
Assurances

 

Lying to yourself
You are calm now
Too calm
Lying to me 
You are cold now
Where you stand

 

Forget me placate me
With gm & gn
Confront me
Hating me

 

Berating me
Taking me apart
Bit by bit by microscopic bit
I’m not true
Not true enough for you
The hope you placed in me

 

Telling yourself 
Against all disbelief
I’d be exactly 
what you perceived
In that moment
Exactly what you needed

 

Me to be
And I’m NOT
Waiting for me to 
Fail you

 

Fail me
Confirming your fears
Rediscovering the darkness
You wrap up in
Want to believe in 
most